Male Victims of Domestic Violence

The Manchineel release was Tuesday and the feedback has been mostly very positive! I appreciate all reviews, even bad ones, and I’ll never slight a reviewer for their opinion. Having said that, something I’ve heard a couple of times concerns me and I needed to speak up. I’ll paraphrase as to not single out any one review, but the gist is whether female domestic abusers, like Ana, behave this way. I need to really insist on one point: THIS IS ABSOLUTELY HOW THEY BEHAVE.

I’ve taken the note about her dimension, that’s not what I’m focused on here.

The cruel or threatening things she said, while perhaps over the top, are things that have been said (in slightly different words) to maintain a power dynamic, instill fear and wield control over male victims. Male victims may be at a physical advantage over their abusers, which is partly why many won’t fight back.

But the abuse often starts as emotional and psychological manipulation. Attacks to their self esteem and gaslighting. The kinds of abuse Ben endured, each specific attack from the first surprise gut punch are inspired by REAL LIFE accounts. These things happen to men by their female abusers.

I know Ben is a fictional character because I wrote him, but suffering like his is real for many men all over the world and it hurts my heart to think about the many ways they are forgotten or discredited (I’m not saying a book review does that - that’s a separate matter).

If you’re still skeptical, I’d encourage you to do some research of your own. There are some advocacy groups online that feature men’s firsthand accounts of their abuse. There’s also online forums and support groups that feature these kinds of stories. To be clear , this isn’t me saying these reviewers don’t believe male victims of DV exist, but the undercurrent of skepticism in some of what I’ve heard needed to be addressed.

*while this post focuses on M/F instances of DV just because that is what’s in the book, DV can happen in all kinds of relationships.